What I Learned From A Night Out & A List Of Great Questions

I had an awesome night out recently...

I went out with a group of my coworkers who I knew to varying extents in my as of that moment, short stint working with them at my new job. Our plans for the night had hit a wall so we all decided to just hang out at a local draft house to chat and relax after a long week. When there was a natural lull in the conversation, I noted how I love great questions and have collected a list over time. This peaked my colleagues' interest and I started rattling off some of the questions to the group. After a few questions (and maybe a few drinks) we were sharing stories and experiences from our lives and bonding over the deep dialogue we were having.

I learned some profound things from evening that I feel like can be helpful to others, especially my colleagues out in the wide world of student affairs. I learned the importance of people feeling safe, the value in self-disclosure, and the power of great questions.

Throughout the course of the evening, I made sure to really listen to the people in my group. They were sharing very personal anecdotes at times so I wanted to really hear them and appreciate their bravery being vulnerable with the group. We all got meta at times where we felt like I was being a group therapist but many of the skills I learned in my counseling courses during graduate school are just great tips for life when listening to people and encourage genuine emotional connections. No one would have been into my gauntlet of questions for us all to get know each other better if they hadn't felt safe in the group. Everyone bought in and helped create a safe environment, even in a public place like a bar, which was an important foundation to build off of for the entirety of the discussion.

Being an unofficial leader of the discussion as the keeper of the questions, I had an important role in the discourse. While people felt safe through my active listening and appreciation of their vulnerability, taking it all one step further was my own self-disclosure. I didn't fancy myself better than anyone else there and would often give my own answers first, if not second. I have a strong feeling the steam of the conversation would run out pretty quick if I was never sharing anything about myself

Lastly, the engine of this fascinating chat I had was my questions. I felt out the vibes of the group and kept my questions to more positive ones that asked about interesting concepts like what would be your desired superpower, your personal motto, the best vacation you ever had, and what profession you'd like to attempt other than your own. People shared as much or as little as they wanted and weren't made to share anything too vitriolic. The questions were some of my own creation, submissions from others, and some from the famous list used on Inside the Actor's Studio. Great questions get people thinking and sharing beyond topics relegated for "small talk". My all-time favorite question was the inspiration for one of my favorite blog posts, and simply asks "what do you geek out about?". I've gotten a wide array of answers to this question and it never fails to get a great conversation going since people are talking about what they love.

I always like to gleam grandiose life lessons from even the most mundane things. This night is a simple example of how personal conversations can create deep connections and allow for great positive change. People learned new things about people they thought they knew and appreciated each other not only for sharing, but for the new things they learned about one another. I hope for more fun nights like this in the future and I hope you can have some of your own too.

If you have any awesome questions you'd like to submit, leave a comment or tweet at me.

Thanks for stopping by!

This Kickstarter is Going to End Workplace Apathy

So I'm really excited about this.

I know Kevin O'Connell from some awesome chance encounters from my time at Rutgers and I've followed the growth of his project, The Niche Movement for a while now. I love how he is constantly working to help people find their niche and give them the gift of immense happiness and fulfillment in their lives.

The path to satisfaction in work has changed dramatically in recent years and there needs to be a new handbook for this generation of job seekers. Kevin is hoping to do just that with his latest effort with The Niche Movement.

Kevin is crowdfunding the development of a new book based on the ideals put forth by The Niche Movement in hopes of reaching an even wider audience with his inspiring message. I know personally that Kevin is extremely passionate about this and will help out so many more people with this book getting out into the world.

Having all of us feeling more fulfilled, driven by our innate passions, purpose, and beliefs will change everything for the better. Help support make this vision a reality.

Check out the full, formal press release below and make sure to check out The Niche Movement and support Kevin's Kickstarter today. Every little bit helps.

July 14, 2014 - Kevin O’Connell, founder of The Niche Movement, today announced the launch of a new crowdfunding campaign focused on his new book, The Niche Movement: New Rules for Finding a Career You Love. The book aims to debunk common ideologies surrounding the job search, entry level employment and employment unhappiness by offering true, inspirational stories along with research and advice from experts and influencers from around the world who chose not to take the conventional approach to career exploration.

The last eight years working with college students and young professionals proved to O’Connell that most academia and student affairs practices are not teaching students to take risks in their twenties. With his entrepreneurial, educational, and marketing backgrounds, he’s taking his passion to a whole new level with The Niche Movement: New Career Rules for Finding a Career You Love.

The book will amplify a message that needs to be told: a job worth loving exists, you just have to find it. “It’s 2014,” O’Connell said. “This generation need to be told this.” The book, which will include stories of others who have found their niche, will serve as a platform to empower young adults to take risks that will lead them to finding their niche. It will teach the new rules for finding a career path worth loving.

“I eat, sleep and breathe college student’s lives,” he says. “I’ve been in the trenches where I have seem them thrive and a year later frustrated in their “post-graduate life.” I’ve seen the bad advice not work.”

According to Kevin, significant opportunities for change are constantly being overlooked.

With his new book, he hopes to open the eyes of college students, recent grads and other young professionals and help them harness the professional and personal experiences they’ve had, the experiences they’re living, the experiences they’re going to have and continue to ask themselves: why am I doing this? How can I get back to what motivates me?

The Niche Movement: New Rules for Finding a Career Path You Love can help change the way we view employment. It will rewrite the way we approach career development for good.

The job searching process is a very lonely one; one that instills a sense of frustration, stress and even self-doubt. O’Connell’s stories will provide a support system, a personal guide and our society should want that for young adults. “I’m not a job board. I’m not a recruiter,” O’Connell said. “I’m trying to help connect the dots for young professionals and find their way.”

A successful campaign shedding light on this unconventional career advice would create a platform to scale the larger project: end unemployment happiness for young professionals and twenty-somethings. Starting Fall 2014, The Niche Movement will be hosting monthly, inexpensive career events for people who want the information in addition, to the workshop and keynotes, and online programs they already offer.  

Kevin’s dream is to create a pipeline between really great companies with really great jobs with really great students because, “right now, they are both missing each other.” He hopes his stories will go well beyond the idealistic commencement speeches and give real world solutions for this generation to find the work they love.

Kevin O’Connell is a student affairs professional who has done everything from service learning to student leadership to social media strategy. He is a driven, enthusiastic up and coming entrepreneur whose passion for young leaders drove him to create a movement. Kevin is a true believer in authenticity who values honesty, trust and execution. He lives in New Jersey with his wife, Courtney O’Connell, and their black lab, Luke. For more information on Kevin and The Niche Movement, visit thenichemovement.com.

Thanks for stopping by!

Thoughts on Friendship

So this post is just something I thought about during a recent train ride, about how people have come in and out of my life for all of my years. They've come in and out for various reasons, some due to a context ending like a job I've had or perhaps just growing apart from each other. I'll also be vulnerable and authentic here and admit that I'm an awkward, eccentric, quirky, shy nerd who has struggled for most of his life with making friends and keeping them when I have them. Social obligations, and small talk elude me at times, so I wholly think that has something to do with my current state of not really having anyone actively in my life, that isn't family, who I've known for more than a couple years.

I write this post hoping in the future to find some peace of mind and clarity for why people came into my life, what they gave me and what I possibly gave them. What I can continually improve upon to keep the people important to me in my life. Most importantly, however, it is to just simply say thank you.

I am eternally grateful for all of the people who have been a part of my life, big or small, friends, lovers, coworkers, or classmates. Our connections meant something to me and they still do. I've learned about who I am, what I'm capable of, and grown from mistakes in my interactions with you all. Perhaps those mistakes are even why we aren't close anymore. Nevertheless, I care about your well being and success, which I thankfully can keep brief tabs on via social media. I am happy that I can do this, since it is all I need to know that you are well enough. I miss a lot of you and I hope we'll cross paths again some day.

I know I'm deluding myself thinking all of my friends will read this, but as I plan for the next phase of my life, I can't help but look back and reflect. What I find is that I may not be the most sociable, popular person, but the connections I do make with people, however brief, are deeper and more meaningful, and I wouldn't trade that for anything.

Here's to all my friends, past and present. I look forward to hopefully seeing you again soon and I look forward to all the people who I haven't met yet who will make an impact on my life.

Hack Your Life & Make The Most of the Next 30 Days

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnfBXjWm7hc] I was just talking about this video and sentiment the other day, in the context of my personal wellness journey. While I'm not quite where I want to be (I need to get a more consistent workout routine), I'm much better than I was a few years ago, mostly with better eating habits.

A major way I changed some of my bad habits was by undertaking several "30-Day Challenges", which are detailed in the short, engaging, fun video above. Whether you want to start going to the gym or stop drinking soda, write every day or stay off social media, doing something for 30 days is just about the right time to form a habit and pattern in your life. At the very least you'll sort of do a cleanse if you don't imbibe in junk food for a month, for example, and you can sort of ween yourself back in so you don't feel like you're depriving yourself.

Making small, incremental, sustainable changes in our lives is how we're able to become more healthy, productive, and positive. A line I like to say is that you can't get fit in a week, but you also can't get unfit in a week. Change takes time so get out there and start working on your goals, whatever they may be, since, like the video says:

"The next thirty days are going to pass, whether you like it or not. So why not think about something you have always wanted to try, and give it a shot, for the next thirty days."

My Favorite TED Talks

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=videoseries?list=PL873C206FEE6DA034] I wanted to curate this YouTube playlist for everyone of some of my favorite TED Talks that I've found so far. I'll keep updating the list and would love to hear more recommendations from folks.

Enjoy!

It is Never Too Late To Geek Out!

I wanted to share a blog post that a friend recommended. It captures the spirit of it never being to late to find new things to geek out about and enjoy wholeheartedly. We all have something we geek out about and we should be able to be proud of how we enjoy our favorite things. It's never too late to go back to your local comic book shop for something to read, to go to that local convention, or to reignite your passion for your old hobby.

Live long and prosper, my friends.

Perspectives on Productivity and Procrastination

So I've been wanting to write on this for a while now, as I've been trying to "hack" my life in terms of productivity. It's a topic I'm very interested in since I always have this desire to do more or at the very least, do what I need to do more efficiently.

I read an article recently entitled "The 80/20 Rule and Listening to Your Inner Procrastinator" which had some very intriguing insights into the idea of productivity. It is from Entrepreneur so it has a bit of that focus but the points it makes are still poignant and valid.

My personal favorite is the idea of flipping your to-do list. You always are going to have that one thing you just don't want to do for the day, and you'll do everything else to rip off that metaphorical bandage. You might go do your dishes, vacuum your entire apartment, all instead of doing what needs to be done. The author recommends flipping it, doing the worst thing first and gliding through the rest of the day. Even if you don't get everything else done, you got a big, nasty behemoth of procrastination out of the way.

Also, I've noted recently my admiration for the Lumosity app for fun brain games. I usually play them on my iPhone when I wake up but I've noticed a difference in my scores on an important variable; whether or not I've eaten breakfast yet. This simple change is a lesson we should all take in about the most important meal of the day (there is some argument here whether or not it is the MOST important, but that might be another blog post). Getting the day off to the right start, eating well, and getting enough rest to begin with are all important aspects to how productive we'll be throughout the day. If you eat a bunch of sugary confections and a gallon of coffee every morning because you need it to wake up since you didn't sleep enough the night before, the day is already spiraling out of control! Break the cycle; get to bed early, detox off the bad breakfast foods (or start eating anything at all), and go all beast mode on your to-do list!

“Responding to ...

“Responding to relatively ordinary experiences and events in an extraordinary manner can drastically alter the trajectory of our lives and careers.”

Excerpt from Shake the World: It's Not About Finding a Job, It's About Creating a Life (2011)

A great book I just finished. Check it out!

Strengths Finder, True Colors, and MBTI: Developing the Language of Leadership

I’m sure many of you are familiar with the popular personality tests Strengths Finder, True Colors, and MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Inventory). They give you a list of questions and output a term, a type, or a temperament that describes how you interact with the world and those around you. I personally have Ideation, Connectedness, Intellection, Input, and Adaptability as my top five Strengths, in that order (here’s a good list of them all. I am also a Blue/Green (logically emotional like Spock I like to say) and I am an INFJ (a good description listed here).

What I think is the best part of these tests is that it gives me the language to describe who I am and what is important to me personally, which obviously impacts my work. A large part of being an effective leader is knowing one’s self. Taking these tests, and even taking them multiple times at different points in my life to see how I’ve changed, allows for a great deal of self-awareness. I know how I am typically so I can either let people know that or work to incorporate others better since I know what my quirks are. While I have heard some naysayers to these tests speaking to how they don’t like to be put in a box but I think knowing any one or all of these results is a good place to start to just be able to get others to understand you. You don’t need these tests to understand yourself necessarily but they definitely help others understand you. I’ve learned recently that this is a big step in working well with a team. I can be okay with myself and how I work but I need to be able to get others to be okay with how I do things or else there is going to be a lot of friction.

I encourage you to think about bringing these tools into your teams, especially with student staff members. They are trying to find themselves and their leadership style. These tests can enable them to be proud of their unique strengths and traits that make them great, rather than focus on their flaws. I know I felt like being an introvert was an issue, after exploring myself and what I have to offer, I am ready to tackle any issue head on in my own way. I know now my difference is an asset, not a weakness.

"there are a fe...

"there are a few key nutritional habits that can boost your energy levels, keep your appetite and cravings under control, and help you feel more focused"

via Inc.com (Can't Focus at Work? Your Diet May Be to Blame)